John Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath characterized the bitter, restless mood of poor sharecroppers during the Great Depression. Now, a voice for the Greatest Depression has emerged: Betsy Perry, Bloomberg's Commissioner for Women's Issues and Main Street's former "Spy on the Upper East Side," has a column on the Huffington Post today in which she sums up the mood of restless excitement among non-poor Manhattanites as the country goes to to hell and drags the rest of the world down with it. Quoth Perry:

Michael's was beyond frenetic with table hopping I'd not witnessed before and I felt as if I was dining on the Titanic before the ship went down. Only thing missing was playing of "Nearer my God to Thee"; Joy Behar was being applauded for her view against Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Star Jones was seated at the front table — like who cares about her anymore? There was too much celebration and even with Cobb Salads going for $35 a half portion, it had the feeling of the Last Supper if in fact that supper was fun.

Want the most destructive assessment you can get of a John McCain policy proposal? Just ask McCain’s own senior policy adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, a formerly serious economist who has turned himself into a genuine political disaster. For months, the McCain campaign implied its health-care plan would be budget-neutral. But last weekend, Douglas Holtz-Eakin admitted to The Wall Street Journal that to fill the gap between the tax deductions McCain wants to end and the tax credits he wants to offer, a new Republican administration will have to cut something like $1.3 trillion from Medicare and Medicaid over the next ten years. Missed that bombshell? Democrats working Florida didn't.

Al Michaels and William Shatner.

It was a banner week for radio sports talk nationwide. Despite this being one of the busier periods on the sports calendar, what with the baseball playoffs and the NFL in full swing, you can't just talk about games for five hours a day. No, see, you need to bring the comedy. On one end of the spectrum, you have Dan Patrick playing Al Michaels a clip of William Shatner recreating his famous “Do you believe in miracles?” call. Weird, but fun, and if nothing else, definitely original. And on the other end, there’s Minneapolis (non-sports-talk) hosts Chris Baker and Langdon Perry, who joked that they think Magic Johnson was “faking AIDS.” Ummm, ha?

Every day (or close to it) until November 4, a series of writers and thinkers will discuss the election over instant messenger for nymag.com. Today, Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi and New York's Michael Idov discuss why John McCain is “one of the worst” presidential candidates ever, Russian glee over American's problems, and what happens after a possible President Obama is hammered for what he doesn't manage to achieve (and how that relates to The Wire).

M.I.: So, will Ayers work? In terms of getting some "undecideds," of course, not just ginning up the rabid base.

M.T.: I don't think so. And I think they're working on other avenues of attack right now. They seem to be pushing this campaign-contributions story pretty hard now.

Exactly the type to captivate America's youth.

With John McCain's first personal mention of former Weather Underground member William Ayers at (another angry) rally yesterday and a new Ayers-focused ad supposedly hitting the airwaves, it's clear that the McCain campaign is still hoping to work up some kind of reaction to the Obama-Ayers relationship. Obama explained in a radio interview yesterday that he had met Ayers "working on a school-reform project" and "assumed that he had been rehabilitated." Whether or not that justification will alleviate voters' doubts is one question; whether voters actually have doubts, or are more preoccupied with the collapsing economy, is another.

CosmoGirl Magazine is closing, a now-ex employee has confirmed to us. Apparently the news came without warning. "We literally found out twenty minutes ago … still processing." A call to the magazine's main number just now yielded a chipper, "We're not talking, thanks, byee!" Developing…

UPDATE The word from Hearst is that it has decided to "consolidate its teen publishing activities into Seventeen," though the CosmoGirl brand will continue live online at cosmogirl.com. Who will staff that is unclear. Editor-in-chief Susan Schulz will be staying within the company to work on "special projects," and publisher Vicki Wellington will roll over to the Food Network Magazine, which launches in 2009. You can read the full memo after the jump if you are so inclined.

People this pretty shouldn't be allowed to break up
in the first place.

Christie Brinkley obtained a restraining order in court yesterday to prevent ex-husband Peter Cook from letting their two children, Jack, 13, and Sailor, 10, watch his much-publicized interview with Barbara Walters tonight on 20/20. Brinkley also insists that Cook, who has custody of the kids for the weekend, keep them away from his Sag Harbor home in order to avoid prying media eyes. Brinkley had originally filed a complaint to have custody for the weekend, but it was refused by a judge. She claims that she just wants to protect her children from the embarrassing public details of their split. Cook calls these actions hypocritical, considering the fact that she insisted their divorce trial be opened to the press. But it's not quite hypocrisy — she pretty openly just wants her kids to see her side of the story in the media. It's plain, old-fashioned message management. Say what you will about the former Sports Illustrated cover girl — she's always known just what to reveal, and what to keep covered up.

Christie Brinkley files restraining order against Peter Cook over television interview [NYDN]
Earlier Post-Divorce Shocker: Peter Cook Blames Failed Marriage on Brinkley

Aim higher, dude. Aim higher.

Your workday may just be starting, but already it's a terrible one for the parts of the world where the day begins earlier. As the sun reached Asia and markets opened, stock markets crashed, with Japan's Nikkei index dropping 9.6 percent before close, its lowest level since 2003. It's set to be the region's worst week on record. The sun wreaked havoc on European markets next, with markets losing 10 percent across the board. And now the cursed ball of flame has reached America! As it scorches away across the heartland, GE has already announced a 22 percent drop in third-quarter net income. Stock futures suggest the Dow will fall about 3.3 percent at the opening of trading. Newspapers and TV news outlets are already asking whether this will be called "Black Friday."

Does nobody see what needs to be done? Does nobody see the obvious correlation between the arrival of the hydrogen-high beast in the sky and disaster here on the ground? The answer is clear: We need to shoot down the sun. And John McCain is just the candidate to do it.

Global Markets Dive in Relentless Selloff [NYT]

We have been having a great time with all of the fun news coming out of the Greatest Depression but even we, to paraphrase our patron saint Mary J. Blige, are getting a little tired of the drama. Today in the last hour of trading, for the fourth day in a row since the House passed its rescue package, the Dow took another nosedive, down 680 points. The S&P 500 is hovering around 22 percent, which is extremely worrying to Floyd Norris. General Motors sank 31 percent, and even banks regarded as reasonably solid — JPMorgan and Bank of America, for instance — took a turn for the worse. Worryingly, so did Wells Fargo, no doubt due to its involvement with that floozy Wachovia. Speaking of which, Wells Fargo's talks with Citigroup blew up today — Citi was like "eff this" after the two failed to come to a mutual agreement; meaning that now Wells Fargo will either pay a $60 billion dowry to Citigroup to release Wachovia or — more likely — just walk away, leaving the bank in a loveless marriage to Vikram Pandit. No! We were wrong! They were like, "Go ahead, be with your whore." Happy ending!

Which brings us to even more good news...